It's a....

GIRL! Marian Ivy was born October 6, 2013. 7lb 12oz, 20 and 3/4 inches long.

Remember how in my last post I said I didn't think Schrodinger was inclined to come out any time soon? Ha, joke was on us. I wrote that post around 9:30 that night. We finished watching the football game (they lost) and turned on Doctor Who. Jim got me an ice cream sundae and I said to him, "If I end up actually going into labor tonight I'm sure I'm going to regret eating this." We stayed up until 12:30 finishing the serial we were on and went off to bed.

At 2am I woke up with stronger contractions than I had had to date, though they didn't seem particularly strong to me. They were coming fairly close together- 2-3 minutes apart- though they were only lasting about 30 seconds each. Regardless, around 2:40 I told Jim to call our midwife, Sarah, and our doula, Brooke, and have them start driving over, since we knew it would be about an hour or so before they would arrive. We fully expected them to come over, hang out for a while, and have my contractions stall out, as we had had several false alarms like that with Ella.

After he called them, Jim filled up our jacuzzi tub for me so I could relax a bit. My contractions weren't that bad but I definitely had to breathe through them. Between contractions I just sat back in the tub- the jets felt amazing. Meanwhile Jim worked on getting things ready for the delivery. He got the bed all set and started working on setting up the birth tub. While he was in the midst of getting the birth tub blown up, I started to feel really nauseated. He brought me over the trash can and I puked. After that point I told him to forget about the birth tub for a bit because I needed help with the contractions. They still weren't terrible but emotionally I didn't want to be alone and I needed him to coach me through them. In retrospect I was in transition at this point.

I remember asking Jim what time it was because I kept on thinking that I just had to hold on until Brooke and Sarah arrived. It was around 3:50 at this point. I told Jim I wanted to get out of the bath and go use the bathroom because the contractions were picking up and I thought I might not want to move again for a while. I sat down on the toilet and immediately felt like I needed to push. Jim told me in no uncertain terms that I could not give birth to the baby on the toilet and he helped me move to the bed.

Right at this point Brooke arrived. Jim told her I needed to push. She threw on some gloves and they got Sarah on the phone. Sarah was still about ten minutes away and suggested they help me onto my left side, as this would slow things down. I was on all fours at this point and when Jim tried to move me I'm pretty sure I yelled at him to get his hands off me and that I HAD to push. Everyone was super calm, despite the craziness. Sarah asked Brooke and Jim what they could see of the baby. They weren't quite sure, but they thought they were seeing the cord.

As soon as I heard the word "cord" I started to panic a bit and started swearing. Cord prolapse is one of those rare complications and even though it was statistically unlikely, I had been scared of it happening. They told me I had to get this baby out NOW and I got down to work.

Turns out, they actually were seeing her head, which became apparent with the next push. One push after that and her head was out, and then with another push she was born. Marian was delivered by her dad at exactly 4am. She came so quickly that her head was still completely round.

I picked her up and held her against my chest while we all had a "holy shit did that just happen?!" moment. It was about five minutes before any of us thought to check whether she was a boy or girl.

About ten minutes after she was born Sarah finally arrived. Things got a little dicey at this point because I was starting to lose a lot of blood. Sarah had been willing to wait for my placenta to deliver on its own, no matter how long that took, but with the amount of blood loss she decided we couldn't wait any longer. She gave me a shot of pitocin to help my uterus contract and hopefully get things going, and Brooke and Jim helped Marian latch on and nurse. After a few minutes my placenta started to come out- except for one piece that was stubbornly hanging on. Sarah had to manually extract that piece before my placenta fully delivered. That was a thousand times more painful than any other aspect of labor or delivery, but it stopped my bleeding. Even though it was horribly painful, I never felt frightened or worried because everyone was so calm. Sarah later told me that with the amount of blood I lost she would have normally sent me to the hospital and it was only because I was lucid, calm, and talking to them throughout the whole thing that she allowed me to stay at home. I think I was so high on the after-birth endorphins that it would have been impossible for me to be anything besides alert.

Other than the placenta issue my labor and delivery were a dream. Marian's birth was absolutely incredible and I felt amazing afterward. I got everything I wanted with it. I felt completely in charge and in control of everything, and just trusted my body to do what it was meant to do. Marian's birth made me feel strong and empowered- the way every woman should feel after doing the most awesome thing she will ever do.

Still not quite sure about this whole being out of the womb thing

Big sister Ella loving on Marian

It's exhausting keeping your parents up all night

Happy due date to me!

40 weeks pregnant and Schrodinger is still holding residence in my ute. Lots of contractions but it doesn't seem like s/he is inclined to come out today. We spent the day brewing beer because I thought for sure that making the kitchen a mess would ensure I would go into labor. Well, beer is brewed, kitchen is clean again, and no Schrodinger. Oh well. It's given us a chance to watch baseball, hockey, and now college football. I can't fit in really any of my clothes at this point but I'm still rocking my awesome Northwestern socks today to cheer on my Wildcats. Maybe if they win it will convince Schrodinger to come on out. 

Yes, that is a dog hiding under the couch. Poor Crilly has no idea there will soon be two children to torment...er, love on her. 

I made it!

To October, that is. 

No matter what, Schrodinger will be here by the end of the month!

I'm still feeling pretty good. Yesterday was the first day I woke up and thought, "Okay, I'm ready." Even so, I'm nowhere near as miserable as I was by this point with Ella and I don't care if Schrodinger wants to keep residence in my ute for a bit longer. Mostly I'm excited to get to finally meet this little person. Hopefully my next pregnancy update on here will be to say that the baby has arrived! 

Why I turn into a raging bitch at 9 months pregnant

People wonder why women who are about to give birth are crabby. You want to know why we suddenly go from stuffing our faces with ice cream to ripping your face off? It's because we have to deal with comments like this:

"You look huge!" Thanks, so do you. Except my belly will go away once I give birth. What are you going to do about yours?

"Wow, you are so tiny for being 9 months! Are you sure of your due date?" I'm pretty sure I've been pregnant forever. In fact, I can't remember a time when I haven't been pregnant. And I'm pretty sure you'd better run far, far away from me right now.

"How far dilated are you?" Seriously? Since when is it okay for a random person to ask me about my cervix? (Note: if we are friends, this is a different story. Although if we are friends you probably already know way too many TMI details already so we're cool.)

"Still haven't had that baby yet?" Actually, yes I did. I forgot to tell you about it. I apparently also forgot my newborn at home. Thank you for reminding me.

And the variation of the above, the similar but equally annoying, "When are you ever going to have that baby?!" Never. My cervix is Fort Knox. I am staying pregnant just to annoy you.

Now to end this rant and go back to my regularly scheduled program of eating ice cream and crying at random things.

My child is full of shit

Quite literally. And I couldn't be happier.

I had my last appointment with the perinatologist yesterday. Schrodinger's intestines look 100% normal. They are filling up with poop, which is indicative that they are functioning properly already. In the doctor's opinion, there are zero indications that there will be any problems after birth. All we need to do is monitor Schrodinger's digestion in the same way we would any other baby.

As nice as everyone was at the perinatologist's office, I will be more than happy if I never have to see them again.

Just nomming on my hand. 

A rambling, hormonal post

I really don't remember being so hormonal and weepy when I was pregnant with Ella. I'm sure Jim would disagree. This time around it's worse because on top of it, I have huge amounts of mommy guilt. I look at my (mostly) sweet toddler running around (naked) and can't help but think how having a baby is going to completely rock her world. I mean, she's not even quite 20 months old (okay, she will be tomorrow). She's going through a separation anxiety phase already- and I'm planning on leaving her, overnight, intentionally, with someone else when she is already feeling vulnerable.

Yes, I know she will be okay. She's going to stay with one of her best buddies. She'll probably have a blast and not even notice that I'm gone. Okay, she will notice that I'm gone. But she will survive. And chances are that I'll give birth in the middle of the night and she'll be asleep and not even know that anything is amiss for awhile. 

But the thought of leaving her for the first time absolutely breaks my heart. 

Part of the reason I was so adamant about getting a mother's helper was for Ella to get used to being away from me. She loves the days when she gets to play with her "friend" instead of boring old Mommy.

Then we have nights like tonight, where she just screamed, "MAAAMAAA!" on repeat. And then I think, "How the heck am I going to calmly leave her with that echoing in my mind?"

I worry that when I'm in labor, instead of focusing on how each contraction is bringing us closer to meeting Schrodinger, I will be focused on how each contraction is bringing me closer to the moment when I have to leave Ella.

I know at some point I will have to leave her overnight. I mean, she will one day go off to college. Before that maybe I'll let her go to sleepovers. And before that perhaps I'll go on a weekend away with Jim or take a trip with my girlfriends.

Just at this point my pregnant hormonal brain is not willing to let her go.

These are too sweet not to share

Ella loves giving hugs and kisses to "mama's belly baby" so last night we tried to get a few shots of her in action. I love that she is so affectionate with her little brother or sister already, although I do wish that she would stop trying to pull up my shirt or dress in public. I wonder if she is going to be super confused in a few weeks when the baby is actually here and we have to stop referring to Schrodinger as "the baby in mama's belly."  

One sweet story about her love for the baby: When I went to check on her last night, she popped up in her crib and immediately asked after Baby. I thought at first she wanted her baby doll, until she pulled up my shirt to give one more hug and kiss to Schrodinger before settling in for the night. Let's hope she is just as affectionate and loving when Schrodinger actually arrives! 

Snuggling on the couch. I swear I own other clothes! 

Big hug for the baby

Mama's belly makes the best pillow

Hello, third trimester, we meet again

As of today, I am officially in my third trimester, and I figured since I haven't done a pregnancy update in forever I might as well do one today. 

I haven't quite hit the huge as a house state yet but definitely have reached the point where it is getting harder to get up and about. Or maybe I'm just getting lazier. Sciatica has hit with a vengeance and I'm sure it's exacerbated by lugging around 20 lbs of toddler. Heartburn has re-emerged but so far not as bad as with Ella. Jim is being squished further and further to the edge of the bed and has to share not only with me but with my gigantic body pillow. 

All in all, though, I feel like I have more energy than I did when I was pregnant with Ella. Then again, I'm only chasing a toddler all day, not TAing/working/finishing up a Master's degree.  

I'm craving Indian food like nothing else. I probably could eat it every night of the week and be happy. Unfortunately I don't have the energy to cook Indian dishes every night. But tonight I had the brilliant idea of freezing some leftover bean masala so I can satisfy my craving without having to cook. Because honestly, by the time 4PM rolls around all motivation to cook is pretty much lost. Although that's not exclusively a pregnant thing. 

The fun hormonal freak outs over having a baby have returned. I seriously don't remember having them with Ella but Jim assures me that I would randomly flip out about how I was not ready to have a baby yet with her too. This pregnancy it's more of a freak out over how I'm not ready to have two kids yet and don't you know that this house doesn't clean itself and everything must be organized before this baby comes else the world is coming to an end. The nesting thing is new to me because I never felt the slightest inkling to nest with Ella but with Schrodinger I have an insatiable desire to scrub cabinets. 

And now, by popular demand (okay, by a demand), here is a bump picture for your viewing pleasure. 

Don't mind the box with beer brewing in the background. Or mini Hugh Hefner rifling through my drawers. She refused to wear anything but a bathrobe this morning. 

The results are in...

...and Schrodinger is 100% genetically normal! I'm also not a carrier for any recessive syndromes! Woohoo!

Schrodinger isn't completely in the clear yet. Hopefully our next scan will show the spot has shrunk significantly or isn't there at all. We are so beyond relieved, though, that it is looking more and more like there isn't a true health problem.

Hopefully the biggest problem Schrodinger has to deal with is an older sister who is currently convinced she is a monkey. Or sometimes a bird. But mostly a monkey.

Oh, and just for the record- when the nurse called me with the results she said she could tell me the sex of the baby. I was very, very, very tempted to have her tell me but I refrained (partially due to the fact Ella was having a tantrum while I was on the phone). Only 16ish more weeks to go!

Hyperechoic Bowel Syndrome

This past month has been crazy busy with going out of town for 2.5 weeks, my grandmother being in the hospital, my sister getting married, and then coming back home to recover from everything. Honestly, though, I could have found time to keep this blog updated. I simply haven't felt like writing much because on top of everything else, we've been dealing with Schrodinger having a potential health problem.

About a month ago, we had our anatomy scan and had left that appointment thinking everything was completely fine. A few days later I was in my OB's office to start my lovely series of injections to hopefully ensure I don't go into preterm labor like I did with Ella. I expected only to see the nurse, get shot up, and be on my way. I was surprised when my OB came into the room instead. He told me he had been looking over the images from our scan and was concerned about something he saw on the baby's intestines- that Schrodinger has something called hyperechoic (also called hyperechogenic) bowel syndrome. Basically it means on the scan, Schrodinger's intestines show up brighter than the surrounding bone- which is not how it should be.

The OB wanted me to see a specialist down in Tulsa to go for a more in-depth scan and to discuss any potential issues. I tried to stay calm and take this all in as my toddler dumped out the contents of the diaper bag on the floor around me. My head was swimming with a million questions. What exactly did this mean? How common is it? Does it mean the baby will need surgery after I give birth? Will we have to travel to Tulsa to the bigger hospital and better NICU to deliver? Is this something that will affect the rest of Schrodinger's life? And the biggest, scariest question that I hardly dared think- does this mean Schrodinger is going to die?

Unfortunately my OB couldn't give me many answers, other than it could mean absolutely nothing or a wide variety of problems. He actually had never seen a case of it, in all his years of practice and the thousands of babies he's delivered.

Of course, even though I should know better, I jumped on the computer and started consulting Dr. Google, where I came across lots of scary possibilities. Down syndrome. Cystic fibrosis. Trisomy 18. Infections. Bowel obstructions.

The best part about it all- I had to wait almost a month to get in with the perinatologist down in Tulsa. It's bad enough worrying there is something wrong with your child. But it's a thousand times worse having to wait and wait and wait with that possibility.

We finally had our appointment this past Thursday. While we didn't get bad news, we didn't get good news either. The results of the scan were inconclusive. The spot on the bowel is still there- bright enough that now that we knew what to look for, we could see it ourselves. On the plus side, Schrodinger has no other markers for any of the other big bad scary possibilities, and there is a 60-70% chance it is absolutely nothing. The chance of Down syndrome is still at only 0.5%. The perinatologist told us that while hyperechoic bowel syndrome is also associated with cystic fibrosis, usually it doesn't show up on scans this early in the pregnancy. She feels it's unlikely that Schrodinger has some sort of infection because he/she would be sick and have other symptoms.

That basically leaves us where we were a month ago- not knowing much of anything. It's beyond frustrating. They are doing genetic testing on both me and Schrodinger to rule out a lot of possibilities (they are testing me to see if I am a carrier for any recessive syndromes, and if so, then they will test Jim). The cool thing is instead of doing an amniocentesis, they can pull some of Schrodinger's DNA from my blood and analyze it that way. We should get the results of those tests sometime this week. In a few weeks we have to go back for another scan to see how the spot is doing. Hopefully it will be shrinking.

Right now I go from feeling great about everything to feeling completely despondent. Some days I'm able to focus on the good statistics and the high chance of there being absolutely nothing wrong. Other days I can't stop thinking about all the bad stuff. The good thing about having a toddler, though, is she doesn't give me a lot of down time to dwell on everything.

Hopefully later this week when we get our genetic results I'll be able to post a happier update. As consolation for making it through all of this, here is a picture of Schrodinger. I'm a little biased but I think Schrodinger is very cute already.

Only 1 lb and already giving my mom and dad grey hairs

The Pinterest/Food Blog Rule

I am enacting the following rule for myself: No looking at Pinterest/food blogs when pregnant. Or possibly ever.

Why? Because now I have ingredients to make peanut butter granola bars, graham crackers, and frozen yogurt. What's the problem with that, you might ask? Well, now instead of already having peanut butter granola bars, graham crackers, and frozen yogurt waiting for me in my kitchen, I have to make them myself. And while looking at all these pictures of yummy foods and going to the grocery store, I conveniently forgot how little I would actually want to stand in the kitchen for hours making all this stuff. Somehow I don't think I'll be able to con sweet talk Jim into making them for me.

All the stuff my brain conveniently forgot about being pregnant- first trimester edition

As I dealt with a monster of a headache earlier this week, the type that Tylenol doesn't even come close to touching, I started thinking about all the fun parts of pregnancy that my brain must have blocked out. I mean, I remembered the biggies- no alcohol, nausea, and did I mention no alcohol? Obviously this mental block is how mother nature tricks us into having more than one child. That and the nice trick of making you think you have this whole toddler sleeping thing figured out before sending you the absolute hell that are molars. Without further ado, here is my list of things I had forgotten sucked about the first trimester of pregnancy.

-The whole, "I'm hungry but nothing sounds good" thing. And its partner, the "I finally figured out what I want to eat but now that I've made it there is no way I can eat without puking." Seriously. Jim went out to the store a few weeks ago because the only things I could think of that didn't make me want to gag were pizza and brownies (possibly consumed together). Not two minutes after he had left did I come to the realization of how gross those foods were.

-How one sip of water before bed translates into having to get up to pee a gazillion times.

-The crazy, crazy hormones. Everything makes me cry. I'm not even going to bother to give examples. You name it, and it has probably made me cry.

-Not being far enough along to have a cute baby bump yet. Instead, you get to walk around looking like you inhaled ten Chipotle burritos and have been hiding in your pantry too much eating chocolate. And because you aren't far along enough to have announced to the world that you are pregnant (unless you are one of those people who announces before the pee is dry on your stick), people start side-eyeing you and dropping not so subtle hints about fabulous diets that worked for them and gym memberships.

-The extreme exhaustion. And then how being so tired I fall asleep on the couch while watching TV makes me cry. Or being too tired to clean makes me cry. Have I mentioned how everything makes me cry?

Flutters

Late as always with posting. I've been dealing with a toddler who is in full-on asshole mode AND getting at least two molars.

Last Thursday night, as I was awake at 3am listening to my child shriek and wondering what the chances were she would go back to sleep without parental intervention, I felt my first baby flutters of this pregnancy. I had totally forgotten how awesome that feeling is, and how much I missed feeling it after Ella was born.

I am kind of surprised to be feeling baby flutters already. Then again, I felt flutters with Ella at 14 weeks and by 17 weeks could feel outside movement, and from everything I had heard, you feel movement earlier with subsequent pregnancies.

One perk, I guess, of being up at 3am.

Hmmm, I guess I need to explain a little better

I've been trying to explain to Ella about the new baby. I brought out the doppler this morning and said to her,  "You hear that? That's the baby!" She clapped her hands and blew kisses. It was incredibly sweet and I was amazed she grasped what I was saying.

Until I asked if she could give the new baby a hug. I thought she would hug my belly, as we've been trying to teach her that's where the baby is right now.

Instead, she grabbed the doppler and cuddled it to her chest.

I guess I am not doing as good of a job explaining as I thought.

On the plus side, I bet she thinks her new baby brother or sister is pretty neat.

Weaning

Over the past few weeks, I've had to gradually wean Ella from nursing three times a day, to two, to finally only before bed. Tonight was the first night that I cut her nightly nursing session in half, and tomorrow I will cut that time in half again, until we are through. It feels weird to think that by the end of the week, I will no longer be breastfeeding her. 

I know many people are thinking, "She's 14 months old! It's far past the time when you should have stopped!" (And if you are one of those people, don't even get me started). I know logically it is the best decision, not only because of my history of miscarriage and preterm labor, but because my body is having a hard impossible time keeping up with the demands of pregnancy and nursing a toddler. I know Ella will adjust and be fine, and that I have breastfed her longer than the majority of women do in this country. I know I made it past my initial goal of one year, and I should be proud of that. 

Yet I still am having a hard time coming to grips with weaning. I already have fears and anxieties about going from one baby to two, and it feels like I am telling Ella that the new baby is more important than her. 

To be honest, I don't know if I would feel ready to stop even if she was two. 

The next few nights are not going to be pretty.  

Big news!

Ella tried to call up everyone to tell them herself, but as she's having trouble working the phone, I'll let the picture tell you instead. 

That's right, Ella is going to be a big sister! Baby Schrodinger (because we don't know whether it's a boy or girl so we can simultaneously think of it as both) is due on October 5 and is doing fantastic. I've been nauseated and exhausted, which is why there is a dearth of blog posts recently. Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll start feeling better and can get back to posting more.