Weaning

Over the past few weeks, I've had to gradually wean Ella from nursing three times a day, to two, to finally only before bed. Tonight was the first night that I cut her nightly nursing session in half, and tomorrow I will cut that time in half again, until we are through. It feels weird to think that by the end of the week, I will no longer be breastfeeding her. 

I know many people are thinking, "She's 14 months old! It's far past the time when you should have stopped!" (And if you are one of those people, don't even get me started). I know logically it is the best decision, not only because of my history of miscarriage and preterm labor, but because my body is having a hard impossible time keeping up with the demands of pregnancy and nursing a toddler. I know Ella will adjust and be fine, and that I have breastfed her longer than the majority of women do in this country. I know I made it past my initial goal of one year, and I should be proud of that. 

Yet I still am having a hard time coming to grips with weaning. I already have fears and anxieties about going from one baby to two, and it feels like I am telling Ella that the new baby is more important than her. 

To be honest, I don't know if I would feel ready to stop even if she was two. 

The next few nights are not going to be pretty.