Thursday, February 7, 2013

The poop rule (yes, I am writing about poop)

There seems to be a special rule that applies to kids and poop. After many months of careful examination, I think I have finally figured it out. The toddler poop rule goes something like this: 

-If Mommy or Daddy is sitting there patiently waiting for you to poop on the toilet, then don't go. Give it about fifteen minutes. They will eventually sigh and give up. Then, once your diaper is back on, run and hide behind the couch. Then, and only then, may you poop. 

-If they are able to manage to get you to poop on the toilet, don't go entirely. Just do a little bit and triumphantly yell, "Done!" Then, once you have lulled your parents into thinking that they have escaped from cleaning up a poopy diaper that day, go squat in a corner and finish your business. 

-The most opportune time to poop is when Mommy or Daddy is trying to get you ready to head out somewhere. Preferably when they are already running late. This is also the ideal time to have a blow-out. 

-If for some reason your Mommy is too tired to take you out in public that day, hold it all in patiently until dinnertime. 

-Another ideal place to go is in the car. Bonus points if you are on a road trip and there is no where to pull off for the next 40 miles. 

-If Mommy or Daddy asks you if you need to poop, the answer is always an emphatic "no." 

1 comment:

  1. I totally agree with these! Put on the Littlest Brewster's hat, coat, and shoes and you're guaranteed that she will have the biggest, stinkiest, stickiest poop ever.

    Another one that LB does is, "Wait until your overnight diaper is full to the brim with pee. Then take a poop, making sure that it's so huge it squishes out a bunch of the pee in the diaper. Roll about in your pajamas and make sure that they are saturated with urine as well."

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