Saturday, September 28, 2013

My awesome Saturday

Mainly this post is to AW my husband and how awesome he is (Jim, don't let this blow up your ego too much). 

This morning he let me sleep in until after 8. Which, in mommy life, is like letting me sleep until the middle of the afternoon. And he either somehow managed to keep the shrieking banshee quiet or I was so passed out tired I didn't even notice. 

Then when I woke up he made me an omelet and a pumpkin spiced latte. Have I mentioned how much I love all things pumpkin? 

All day long he's been cleaning and organizing the garage, and took a bunch of stuff over to Goodwill for me. You know what I got to do while he was busy with all of this? 

Treat myself to a pedicure and lunch with one of my girlfriends.  

On top of all of that, he has a babysitter coming over tonight so we can go out for a date. Being able to eat breakfast, lunch, AND dinner at a normal pace without a toddler climbing in my lap or screaming? Unknown luxury in my life. 

Oh, and did I mention it is a lovely 61 degrees out right now and it rained this morning? I don't know if he can reasonably claim that he made the weather awesome too, but I'm in such a relaxed mood I'll even give him credit for it. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Why I turn into a raging bitch at 9 months pregnant

People wonder why women who are about to give birth are crabby. You want to know why we suddenly go from stuffing our faces with ice cream to ripping your face off? It's because we have to deal with comments like this:

"You look huge!" Thanks, so do you. Except my belly will go away once I give birth. What are you going to do about yours?

"Wow, you are so tiny for being 9 months! Are you sure of your due date?" I'm pretty sure I've been pregnant forever. In fact, I can't remember a time when I haven't been pregnant. And I'm pretty sure you'd better run far, far away from me right now.

"How far dilated are you?" Seriously? Since when is it okay for a random person to ask me about my cervix? (Note: if we are friends, this is a different story. Although if we are friends you probably already know way too many TMI details already so we're cool.)

"Still haven't had that baby yet?" Actually, yes I did. I forgot to tell you about it. I apparently also forgot my newborn at home. Thank you for reminding me.

And the variation of the above, the similar but equally annoying, "When are you ever going to have that baby?!" Never. My cervix is Fort Knox. I am staying pregnant just to annoy you.

Now to end this rant and go back to my regularly scheduled program of eating ice cream and crying at random things.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Proud parenting moments

Two parenting moments from the past few days that have made me think, "Yep, we're definitely doing this right."

1. Ella woke up from her nap on Sunday. She came downstairs, looked at Jim's empty beer glass, and told him repeatedly, "Get more beer." He was happy to oblige.

2. This morning she farted. It was loud and very obvious. She looks at me and said, "George fart." Rule #1 of being a girl- always pass the blame on your farts. I have taught her well.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Dear Fall, Where are you?!

Dear Fall,

Where the heck are you? Did you miss the memo that it is September and not supposed to be 100 degrees out?

I would like to be able to go outside without feeling like I stepped into a sauna or burning my hand when I try to open my car door.

You know those cute sweaters and boots that are in my closet? Yeah, I'd like to wear them again (we'll disregard the fact that the huge pregnant belly isn't exactly compatible with them).

I have about a gazillion recipes for pumpkin-spiced things that I would like to try out. Except right now there is basically nothing in the world that can convince me to turn on my oven and heat up my house a single degree more. And remember my love for pumpkin-spiced beverages? You are hurting the economy by staying away. It's too hot for me to even want to indulge in pumpkin ice cream.

And do you know how hard it is to try and shave your legs at 9 months pregnant? Really, if you would just hurry up and get here so I can cover up with some sweat pants that would be great.

At times, my toddler forgets that she knows how to walk or that it is possible to sit anywhere besides my lap. I love her and don't like having to tell her it is too hot to cuddle with Mommy. She also doesn't understand why Mommy doesn't want to go play on her super cool swing set. Have you ever tried to reason with a toddler? It's not pretty.

Finally, the whole waking up in the middle of the night feeling like I am going to die from the heat thing is getting old. I want to be able to sleep under the blankets instead of cursing my husband for the insane amount of body heat he produces.

So get your act together and give the eviction notice to summer. Tomorrow I'd love to wake up and see a forecast that isn't going to make me cry.


Someone who is sick of rocking the sweaty and gross look

Friday, September 6, 2013

Remember how I said to be jealous?

Well, I need to amend that statement. You shouldn't be jealous.

You should be dying with envy. Because Kristen is even that much cooler in person. And I got to spend an entire long weekend with her.

I picked her up at the airport Saturday morning and we did not lack for things to talk about for the entire trip. No awkward silences, even though I am an awkward person. Maybe we need to write to the pope because someone spending extended periods of time with me without a single awkward moment is nothing short of a miracle.

I seriously cannot wait until our next visit. It's only a 17-hour drive. Totally do-able with two kids, right?

Head on over to BeerCat Brewing to read more about our super awesome time together. Because here is another sign of Kristen's amazing-ness: she actually remembers to take pictures AND doesn't leave them lingering on her computer for years.