Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Why I turn into a raging bitch at 9 months pregnant

People wonder why women who are about to give birth are crabby. You want to know why we suddenly go from stuffing our faces with ice cream to ripping your face off? It's because we have to deal with comments like this:

"You look huge!" Thanks, so do you. Except my belly will go away once I give birth. What are you going to do about yours?

"Wow, you are so tiny for being 9 months! Are you sure of your due date?" I'm pretty sure I've been pregnant forever. In fact, I can't remember a time when I haven't been pregnant. And I'm pretty sure you'd better run far, far away from me right now.

"How far dilated are you?" Seriously? Since when is it okay for a random person to ask me about my cervix? (Note: if we are friends, this is a different story. Although if we are friends you probably already know way too many TMI details already so we're cool.)

"Still haven't had that baby yet?" Actually, yes I did. I forgot to tell you about it. I apparently also forgot my newborn at home. Thank you for reminding me.

And the variation of the above, the similar but equally annoying, "When are you ever going to have that baby?!" Never. My cervix is Fort Knox. I am staying pregnant just to annoy you.

Now to end this rant and go back to my regularly scheduled program of eating ice cream and crying at random things.

1 comment:

  1. I remember how much this period sucks, my friend. I hope that all of the idiots who say such asinine things are summarily slapped senseless. And that you get to watch while indulging in ice cream and beer.

    Or, if that can't happen, that one day they all suffer through the same comments, realize their own previous stupidity, and apologize profusely for said stupidity.

    Sadly both seem unlikely to occur.

    Want to call me and tell me about your dilation? ;)