NOT Sleeping through the night. Or, Why I look like a zombie

Neither child has slept through the night in years. Well, maybe a week. In any case, it feels like years when the hours of 2-5am are spent in a state of awful half-awakeness dealing with demands for milk and hugs and lullaby CDs and trying to explain to a toddler that you can't do anything about the fact that it is dark outside.

I'm tired of not only being tired, but of answering questions about why I look so tired from well-meaning friends and strangers and the super-chatty bag girl at the grocery store.

In response to my children's hatred of sleep, I decided to design this super awesome and totally attractive t-shirt, using my vast artistic skills and Microsoft Paint.

Told you I had vast artistic skills. Be very impressed. 

Obviously in real life the shirt won't be white. Instead, it will come in a wide variety of colors- probably all on the same shirt- to hide coffee stains, all the random stuff kids wipe on your shirt, and the fact that you haven't changed your shirt or showered in three days. 

Once you are wearing this shirt, you won't have to make mindless chatter with people or make excuses as to why you look like hell. Simply point to the shirt. Everyone will shut up and run to get you more coffee. It will also help you pinpoint other moms with kids that aren't sleeping through the night. As you are cruising the grocery store at 8am, coffee in hand and wild kids in tow, you can fist bump each other as you pass by and send twin death glares to that overly-coiffed mom from music class who clearly has kids that sleep otherwise she wouldn't be wearing heels and full-makeup- and very clearly has taken a shower already this week- so early in the morning. Solidarity, sister moms! (Except for you, overly-coiffed mom. Everyone else secretly hates you. Get with the program and wear yoga pants like the rest of us.)