Productivity with and without a toddler

We decided recently to get a mother's helper. No, I'm not talking about booze (for once)- we hired one of Ella's babysitters to come by one morning a week so I can actually get things done around the house and run errands without having to wrangle her in and out of the car seat. 

I thought before this morning there must be something inherently wrong with me because I can never seem to get anything done. Everything around the house seems to be in a perpetual state of being half-done. Some nights I contemplated the possibility of adult-onset ADD (not sure if such a thing even exists, but you know how crazy thoughts can get at 3am). 

Here's what I typically accomplish in a morning: 

-Shower

-Brush my teeth

-Get Ella dressed

-Make 5989038589 trips to the potty

-Try to wash dishes while simultaneously reminding Ella to tell me if she needs to go to the potty, telling her repeatedly that we only color on paper, and having to stop at least once to get her down off the kitchen table

-Occasionally go to the grocery store, which involves telling her she can't take things down off the shelves, that we sit on our bottoms in the cart, and oftentimes a reminder that we leave clothes on in public

Here's what I accomplished today: 

-Meal planned/made a grocery list

-Ran all my errands (bank, drugstore, grocery store), which took a grand total of 45 minutes

-Organized all the papers in the study and organized everything in my desk

-Dusted the upstairs

-Cleaned the kitchen

-Went through my email

-Had time to go to the coffee shop, drink a latte, and read some of my book with zero interruptions

Besides getting things done, I feel about a thousand times more relaxed. That leads me to the more reflective part of this post. When hemming and hawing about whether to hire someone to come in to help, part of me felt like I was admitting defeat as a mom. Surely I should be able to deal with raising a child, housekeeping, and being pregnant without any help. After all, isn't that what most moms do? 

A conversation at the playground with an equally-flustered friend made me think that, no, motherhood is not supposed to be about doing it all on your own. Childbearing and child raising traditionally has been (and in many parts of the world still is) a more community effort. It's only recently that moms are expected to take a solo approach. And let me tell you, I don't think this approach is healthy or is working. Every mom of a young child that I know talks about how she feels overworked, overtired, lonely, and frustrated. Every single one has talked about needing to take more time for herself but not knowing how to make it work or how to do it without feeling insanely guilty or inadequate. 

What I really accomplished this morning was learning that doing something for myself is the best thing I can do for my family. When Ella wakes up from her nap, she'll have a mom who is refreshed and ready to read Curious George books repeatedly. Jim will have a wife who is happier and more relaxed- although I make no promises about not falling asleep on the couch tonight.